,

Ummmmm......

1:34 AM


"Alana, you're a really good writer." My dad said this to me as I sifted through the numerous emails in all four of my email accounts. I glanced up and said to him, "I'm really not as good as people believe I am." It was a sobering comment that immediately made me feel terrible. My writers block had started lowering my self-esteem. A co-worker recently mentioned that I attend some of the "coolest" events. I smiled, but behind my smile I was thinking, "I attend them, and then grapple for the right words to string together in hopes of submitting an article worth reading.

I've been questioning my skills a lot lately. Writers block has hit me hard and I am still down for the count. I bullshit my way through the things that I have to write and when there are no deadlines, I'm silent. The only time my fingers move is when I'm changing the channel, or tweeting. Honestly, Twitter seems to be where my most of my words land. Not in the article that's due at the end of the week, or the email that needs to be sent out to my writers, but Twitter, the place where procrastinators like myself go to...well...procrastinate.

I would never go so far as to say that I'm a terrible writer. If I were, there is no way I would have made it as far as I have. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't come down on myself when I see other writers' hands flying across the keyboard, knocking out article after article, while I struggle to finish one. I'm constantly in my head trying to talk myself up in hopes of sparking something, anything, to help me make my deadlines.

My horoscope said that this was my month. That I was going to make great strides in my career, and if I'm being honest with myself, I'm off to a great start. I've landed a big interview that could help push me to the next level, I'm that much closer to publishing my first novel, and I'm a step closer to pitching to two major magazines in hopes of seeing my name in one or both of them this year. But I am still stuck with the question, where have my words gone?

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