Courage or Comfort?

3:21 AM

"The path to loving and belonging is vulnerability." ~Dr. Brene Brown

It's kind of hard to write a post about vulnerability when you aren't completely sure how to be vulnerable anymore. I use to think that my need to be perfect was me being a perfectionist, I thought it was a great thing to be, a great trait to have. On Sunday, I learned that that is not the case. My need to be a perfectionist was me refusing to be vulnerable. 

During the most recent Life Class, Oprah, along with Dr. Brene Brown tackled the subject of being vulnerable. Dr. Brown says, "if you don't know how to do vulnerability, then vulnerability is doing you." I sat up with my phone in my hand and began taking notes, because quite honestly, she was speaking to me. I've had two moments in time where I was completely vulnerable. One was when I shared my battle with depression, and another is when I decided to tell someone the truth, and my truth was ignored. Funny enough, I was more terrified about talking about depression than I was to tell the truth, and I received completely different responses than I thought I would get on each topic.

I use to be really good at hiding behind my laugh and smile and being silly. I never shared with people when I was angry or sad, or just plain fed up. It was just easier to be happy on the outside and curl up in a corner when I was behind closed doors. The fear of judgement or rejection is what stopped me from being vulnerable. 

   "We share with people who earn the right to hear the story"~Brene Brown

And sometimes we trust the wrong people with our story and we get hurt. It does not mean that we should shut down forever. The one thing Dr. brown said that stuck out to me was, "If you want to be brave and show up in your life, you're going to fail. You're going to stumble, you're going to fall. It's a part of showing up." She follows it up with, "you can choose courage or you can choose comfort. You can't have both." For the longest time I was trying to choose both. 

It is so easy to dress your imperfections up, and make them pretty for all the eyes on you, but it takes courage to be vulnerable, and say, "this is me, no shields, no lies, just me. Accept it, or don't." By doing that, you are putting yourself out there to be judged or disliked, you are being vulnerable. I've worked so hard to not be that person, and now, I'm back in a place where being vulnerable is important to me. I choose courage over comfort. 

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