When I was younger, my parents use to take me home (to Illinois) all the time. The visits eventually became less frequent, and as I got older, I started to feel less connected to my family. I'd look at everybody and feel like a triangle trying to fit into the space meant for a square. Then something happened to me when I was around sixteen, that made me want to totally disconnect from that part of my life. I didn't want to go back home. Home was no longer a safe place for me, it was tainted, and I wanted no part of it. However, my family was still my family. So when my brother mentioned that I didn't have a family, it started bothering me, more so because I've felt this way before. I've felt like I didn't have anyone, which is probably why I started this genealogy search on my family.
When I started this, I was doing it because I'd heard so many different versions of the same stories. Nothing was adding up, and I wanted answers. As I continue going through files, and reading, and finding information that's shooting down some of these stories, I'm starting to realize that, this whole journey is about me figuring out where I fit in, where I belong. I'm trying to find a piece of something that places me in this family that I have loved for as long as I can remember. I don't need to feel like I belong, but it feels good knowing that I just might.
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