I Need You To Want Me

10:20 PM

Scenario: Jessica and Xavier have been dating off and on for a few years now. Jessica wants marriage, babies, the white picket fence that surrounds their nice house in a beautiful quiet neighborhood where it's just the two of them and their kids, surrounded by only his family. But Xavier has never been married, he has a kid and so does Jessica, why do they need more? They break up when Xavier feels like Jessica is getting too serious. But whenever Xavier needs something, money, sex, a place to stay, or needs to feel like he's in a real relationship, he calls Jessica. She's always there for whatever he needs, putting her life on hold for a man who would never put his life on hold for her. She loves him, and he loves that she'll always be there when he wants her to be. This goes on and on and on, and finally Jessica ends things, because she needs something more permanent and Xavier can't and won't give that to her. Time passes, and then one day Xavier calls her and apologizes, Jessica accepts, and they fall into what is now considered the norm for them. 

I will never understand the appeal of a man who obviously doesn't want you until they need you. And even then, there is no want, there is only need. It's all about what you can do for them. Needing to be wanted obviously has a lot to do with self esteem. Someone once said, if you build it, he will come. The truth of the matter is, if you don't have it, he will still come, and he will play on your insecurities, and use you until there is nothing left to use. I try not to judge those who do this with men they love, but it's hard. I get it, but I don't get it. How can you possibly want someone who doesn't want you? Yes, we all want what we can't have, and we all want what we know isn't go for us, but when will we stop accepting things and people that hurt us? Stop allowing people in who are no good for us, stop believing in the person we love more than we believe in ourselves? At some point you have to say enough is enough, if not, you'll lose yourself, but then again, you're most likely already lost. Time to find yourself.

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