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Will You Marry Me? Because You’re Pregnant & Shit

4:13 AM


I was reading a book tonight written by one of my favorite authors. And in this book the heroine becomes pregnant and the man asks her to marry him. She says no, and he pushes, she asks him why he wants to get married. He goes on to say that in his family, the men take care of their responsibilities. I’ve seen this in many of the books I’ve read, some by this author, some by others I love. And I must say, I have a problem with this way of thinking.


Yes, it’s fictional, but that doesn’t mean that somewhere out there, couples aren’t married, and/or staying together because they are having a baby together. I wrote about this last year because of my parents and something that my father has said to me numerous times.


I don’t understand why people believe that it’s in the best interest of the child to have their parents married and living in the house together. Ok sure, the kid will be happy that mommy and daddy are together, but for how long? If mommy and daddy just so happen to actually like and love each other, then fine. But if on the off chance that they are growing apart and can’t stand each other happens, the child will sense this. They will feel the tension between their parents, and that’s far from healthy. So while you’re sitting around in this relationship you’d rather not be in, your child I’m wondering what’s going on, why their life feels so…uncertain. And in the end, chances are, you’ll end up divorced because you are unhappy, or someone cheated because again, you were unhappy. Now you have a child who is wondering why their life has drastically changed. Why daddy is leaving and only seeing him/her every other week or only on the weekend, or possibly not at all.


I know that egos tend to get in the way. You have the man saying that no other man is going to raise his child, and you have the woman who can sometimes become the baby momma from hell, and somewhere in all of that drama the baby’s needs get lost in the shuffle. I’ve heard my father say, “no man was going to be raising my daughter.” On more than one occasion. I know he isn’t the only man who feels this way. I also know that that isn’t the only reason he married my mother. They have this weird bond that will probably keep them together forever because quite honestly, I don’t think anyone else could put up with them. But that’s not the case for everyone.


Your child can have both parents. You don’t have to be together in a relationship, rather have a great partnership, and be great parents in separate households. Yes, you’ll still fight, and argue, and say things you shouldn’t. But if you do it right, your child doesn’t have to know anything about those disagreements. So I ask, is taking care of your responsibilities by getting married out of obligation more important than the possible pain you’ll inflict on a precious child who didn’t ask to be here? A relationship between parents ultimately becomes the blueprint for their child’s future relationships. They may not follow every step, but you’ll be able to see small pieces of that blueprint in all of their relationships. Whether we see it or not, our parents actions affect our adult lives whether it be good or bad. You don’t have to like it, but let’s be realistic.

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