The Talk: Do You Want To Get Married?

4:27 AM

I was watching an episode of the new VH1 show Single Ladies tonight. One of the main characters Val, has been seeing this guy for a short time, they’re getting closer everyday. I feel like they might be on the verge of saying the simple words that aren’t all that simple, I love you. The guy sits Val down and tells her that he’s been married three times and divorced three times, and that he doesn’t want to get married again. He then goes on to ask her if this is a deal breaker. Val is torn, she’d just been talking to one of her employees/friends about marriage, and her special day. Now this? She’s in too deep to pull out but if she gets any deeper, she’ll be stuck in this place of no marriage, a place where she’ll always be just someone’s girlfriend. That got me to thinking, should you talk about marriage early in your relationship? Say the first or second date?

I'm not getting married. 

It’s a statement I’ve made since I understood what marriage was. And you can quote me on that. It’s not for me, but I supports those who want it. I want that for those who want it for themselves. But I’ve told the people in my life numerous times, that if I’m dating someone and they mention marriage, to talk them out of it. I plan on having the marriage talk as soon as possible with whomever I’m dating. I think it’s necessary. 

Some men shy away from talk of marriage. It doesn’t mean that they don’t want to get married, but they don’t want to feel like it’s being forced upon them. This is understandable. But what I’m finding is that, a lot of women are starting to feel this way also. Now all or most, but enough to show that things are changing. Marriage does not signify forever. It signifies right here, and right now, for as long as this thing lasts. Hopefully it will be forever, unfortunately it might not. 

Having the conversation of marriage early in a relationship, gives the person the chance to stick it out or walk away. It stops everyone involved from getting hurt. Those people who get their marriage proposals rejected on national TV definitely didn’t have the talk. But, it’s better to know where you’re going rather than walk blindly into something that will ultimately change your life.

People who are traditional believe that if you are not married, you don’t really belong to that person, and that they don’t belong to you. But I ask, when you get married, does the love change? And if so, why? It’s the same person, same life, all day everyday. Why does anything, other than your last name have to change?

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