Forgiveness...Easier Said Than Done

4:11 AM

I've never been the person who didn’t forgive. I never forget, but forgiving has always come easy to me. But there is one time in my life that killed that part of me that so easily forgave people, gave second chances, moved on from hurt and allowed the love to flow freely. That’s not me anymore. I hold on to every bit of hurt that anyone has every inflicted on me. But that’s my choice. It’s a defense mechanism, it’s my way of protecting me. Because in my mind, if I hold on to everything hurtful thing that has been done to me, I can stop it from happening to me again. 

Well, I recently sat down and gave that some thought, and I realized that all of these things I’m holding on to, are way too heavy for me to continue to carry. They are weighing me down, slowing down my progress in life. Honestly, me not forgiving, is smothering me. It has my feet glued to the ground and I can’t move. But I also can’t let it go yet, and I don’t know why. Prayer and time heals all wounds is the typical answer I've gotten from people. But it does not heal all wounds for everybody. It does not always take away the pain, sooth the ache that settles and sits inside of a person. It does not always lift the burden that someone feels, and it does not always lighten the load. 

It’s clear that I’m going to have to start slowly forgiving people, starting with the one person who is no longer living but hurt me the most. I have to let it go so that I can live and start moving forward, because right now the world around me is moving but I’m standing still. And because I am tired of being left behind, I’m working on all of this, and I’m taking slow and steady steps, and I’ll get there. One day…soon.

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