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Forever Alone

2:10 AM

Today I was tweeting one of my favorite people. The conversation centered around dating, and at one point she wrote, forever alone. This got me to thinking, would I be ok if I were forever alone?

The answer never came and I refuse to even entertain the thought of being alone forever. But I also accept the fact that the possibility is real. Dating is hard, especially for a girl who knows what she wants, and refuses to settle. I don't have a list, I am not Chilli. Yes, there are dos and don'ts and yeses and nos, but there are very few things that are deal breakers.

I've always given the advice that you have to be alone and be secure with being alone before you can give yourself completely to someone else. Because the truth is, if you don't know who you are alone, you don't completely know yourself. When you're alone, you learn so much. Some things you like, and love, others you hate and despise. But being aware of these things while you're alone, gives you the chance to embrace them or change them before you give yourself to someone who is going to see all of this. 

I'm secure with my single status. I never wanted to be the girl who had to be in a relationship to feel whole, I can't handle that kind of dependency. I believe it has a lot to do with the fact that I don't really have time to date, and it has a little to do with the fact that I'm still working on me, trying to figure out where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. I don't want to take anyone on this journey with me. It's a road trip that needs to be taken alone, sort of self discovery.

But my being alone also has to do with what I wrote to the person earlier today, which was, I can't seem to find the one I want to date. And the ones that want to date me aren't worth the time it takes to say,"no." <---- realest shit I ever wrote. I seem to be a magnet for bullshit. The guys that have approached me are really playing on my belief that there is someone great out there for me. Do I really have to push my way through the bad ones to find the good ONE? Or can I just stand here and let him find me? And if I stand here and wait, how long is this going to take?

The thought of being  forever alone doesn't scare me, it still makes me wonder, if I am, will I be ok? I think I'd be ok alone, but I wouldn't want to be.

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