2:31 AM

I feel like something is missing. Something that I can’t seem to figure out. Can’t wrap my mind around. I’m not sad, just feeling empty and confused. Wondering why I keep stepping back into something that has never been good for me. Hasn’t been bad either, but has definitely brought tears and worry and confusion. Wondering when, I will say enough is enough and actually mean it, stick to it, stand my ground and stop back sliding. I don’t want to go back to that place that makes me wonder what I can do to make the outcome different, stop the tears before they start, make sure that the conversation doesn’t happen between me and a friend who has heard this sad song one too many times. Heard me cry and complain and ask why. I’m working on this. Working on me. But I have to figure out why this emptiness has settled. Why now? Why at all? Where did I go wrong? Why do I feel this way when they are around and when they aren’t. Nothing has changed. But I’m looking for change. Looking for things to be different…better…for things to be ok and calm. The worry cripples me, causes me to make knee jerk decisions. I’m working on making this feeling go away, stop hurting me, working so that I can breathe…easy.

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