5:28 AM

I don't deal with it well. This has become more and more apparent in the past few days. I don't eat, I don't sleep, or I do the complete opposite, I eat everything, and I want to sleep all day. This has always been my routine when stressed, and lately I've been just that. But the thing is, I'm not sure why. Yes, work stresses me out, but not like it use to. I've finally gotten to a place where I block out the bullshit going on at work. I might seem angry when I update my status on Facebook, but I'm not, sometimes I just feel like sharing what's going on in my life with other people. Like I'm doing right now.

So work isn't the problem, the problem is, I don't know what's going on. There is this sense of worry that I can't seem to shake. Just a minute ago I was sitting on the couch reading a book and I stopped, because I realized that I wasn't relaxed, and that I was stressing about the unknown. It's like I was waiting for the bottom to drop out. This is where most people would say pray on it. That's all well and good, but what happens when prayer does not stop you from worrying? When you can't give it all up to God? What happens when out of nowhere you feel like something is about to happen that will affect your life greatly?

I guess I should make something clear, I don't believe that whatever is bothering me is bad. I fear that it might be change, and that could be for the better. But I don't do change well. I like for things to happen and then stay that way. So when change comes into my life, I feel a little off balance. I'm currently looking for a new job, and just the thought of having to start over with new people and a new company scares me. I'm going for something that not many people know about and I'm scared to fail, but I'm also scared to succeed. I'm so uncomfortable with all of this change in my life, and it's stressing me out.

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