I'd Like To Be Sleep...

12:50 AM

But ever since last week, sleep hasn't been easy for me. Why not? Who knows? Some things are so heavy and yet I carry them to bed with me. When I lay down, they are laying right next to me. Sure, I'd love to say, that problem was from yesterday, time to move on. But for me, it's not that easy. Actually it's hard. If something isn't resolved, I don't rest. When my friends go through something, and it's not resolved, I worry. So tonight I'm worrying about a friend that needs me but won't let me be there for them. I worry about a finished book with no synopsis or cover letter to go with it. I worry about the new semester, and how work might interfere with my success, and cause me to fail. I worry about Tuesday, a day that everyone seems to be more excited about than me. I worry about choices that I've made recently that won't seem to settle. This choice is stuck in my throat like a bone I can't seem to push down my throat. I'm restless, yet I'm sleepy, I'm tired, yet I can't sleep. I want to close my eyes, but behind the darkness of my eyelids the worry waits, and the problems await me. So I stay awake as long as I possibly can, and I think, and go down a list of things I could do, or could've  done but didn't do. And there are still no answers, but there is one thing that is always there. Fear. And this fear is choking me, and scaring me, and I really need it to let up and let me breathe. I want to breathe, and I want to sleep.

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