This Thing Called Writing...

12:24 AM

I've been having a hard time lately getting into the mood to write and edit. I wonder...is it fear? Lack of creativity? Are my characters silent? Or am I just being lazy? I choose to believe that it's all of the above. I fear that when it's all said and done, and I've been rejected and rejected again and then...finally, published, that no one will buy the book, and although my book will be published, it will still be rejected because no one will want to read it. Yes, my friends support me and I know that they will be the first ones out there to buy the book, and although the support of your friends is important, something that's even more important is the acceptance of a stranger. Having someone who doesn't know you accept something as precious as your words because they like them, is amazing. I know because when I first started blogging I was doing it for me (and I still am) but people visit my blog and they read the words that I write, and they write me on Facebook and send me e-mails telling me how they feel about my writing. It's an amazing feeling that I want to have when one of these manuscripts is published, but the question still remains: what if?

Why the lack of creativity you ask? Oh, you didn't ask? I'm going to tell you anyway. Well, when you think up an idea, do you not question yourself? Is this good enough? Will people get it? Will I like this when I read it again years from now? Will I regret ever writing this? WHY DID I WRITE THIS? These questions are typical, and I've asked each and every one of them, and still I have no answers... *sigh*

My characters tell the story I just write them down. I'm like a secretary taking notes, and my boss is telling me what to write. It is up to me to write everything they say, but it also up to me to edit it, place commas and periods where they belong. When they are silent, I don't write.

I am being lazy in a sense. I want to write, but I can't seem to pull myself up and force myself to write anything but my name, and even then I only write Ala...and that's where it stops. I want to write, I really do but there are those days when I just write in my head because I'm too lazy to pick up a pen and my writing journal (I don't like to write my stories on the computer, I prefer to transfer them to the computer once I've written them.) Truth be told, I'm writing this so that I don't have to edit this story that's sitting next to me, but I must, so I'm going to end this blog entry.

I will say this though, writing can be freeing, IF its something that you love to do. If you took maybe ten minutes out of your day to just write freely...no real thoughts, nothing planned out, it doesn't even have to be something that you'll let others read just let your hands move, you might be surprised by what you write. Or if you're like me, you might cringe and throw it in the drawer, and vow to never look at it again. That probably wasn't a good ending for the point I was trying to make.

Let's try this again...don't think, don't plan, just write. 

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