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It's Not Fair!

6:37 PM

After talking to my mother on the phone I felt the need to write this blog entry.


I grew up feeling inferior to one of my older brothers,he was the straight A student,he was the one that went straight to college after high school,he was the one that moved directly out of the house and even when he came back home he didn't stay.He was the one that create a career for himself and is doing pretty well even today.Now I'm not downplaying the things that I've done because a lot of what I've done is pretty great,I've just stayed quiet about my accomplishments because I don't feel that they will ever be as GREAT as the "golden child's" accomplishments.


Growing up I got in trouble for bringing in a C and I would overhear my dad saying to my mother, "He(my brother)never brought home a C." I would hear my mother on the phone bragging about my brother but she didn't really mention me like she did him.She would dispute this if she could,but I know what I heard and I know what I feel and how I've always felt.I've always been the kid that went against everything that someone told me to do because I felt like they were trying to put me in a box with other people and I didn't want that.My brother had a baby when he wasn't really ready to be a father,at the age of twenty four I still don't have any kids because I'm not ready,and I've helped him with his children putting my life on hold.My brother dropped out of college,I wasn't sure I wanted to go to college but made the choice to go anyway and I REFUSE to drop out,I want my degree.


He and I are like night and day but I've always looked up to him and admired him for being there for me when I need him,but lately I've been seeing the results of our parents treating us the way they do.He's inconsiderate of other people,he's not a bad father but he's lacking and just when I thought he was getting better he started back sliding again.He will give you money but he doesn't always have the time to give.But there are some good things about him too.Anyway,my parents see this and they don't like what they see yet they don't understand they have played a HUGE role in why he is the way he is.The more I see of him being this way the more I grow to dislike my brother and the person that he has become.And I'm just now starting to see how much I resent my parents(mainly my mom)for shaping him into the person that he is today.Jealous I am not. However,I am let down by the fact that he has always overshadowed me whether he does something good or bad,I will never have my time to shine because he will always be the main focus.


My mother says that she doesn't get on him when he's wrong and she's harder on me because she expects more from me.I think it's bullshit because my brother is the oldest,and is the oldest not supposed to be an example for the youngest?I thought so,but if I'm wrong it still remains that it's a fucked up logic and for those that have been through this it's a fucked up way to grow up.It's hurtful and it can ruin a relationship between siblings.

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