Girl Talk:More Than Friends(Part 1)

3:08 AM

Should friends become more than friends? Why or why not? My questions come from all over, and a lot times what sparks the question has nothing to do with it, like now. I was asked a question the other night, and for some reason I couldn’t come up with an answer. The question was: Why is our relationship so deep? This question in no way ties into the questions I’ve asked, but it was asked by a friend that I care a lot about. And my answer (that I never gave him) led me to ask my friends What they thought about the subject. Here is what they said:

Maria: I’m all for it, I think it can work. But from my experience, it makes things awkward. I don’t think it’s worth losing a friendship, because one is not always mature enough to put it behind them and be friends again if it doesn‘t work.

Alicia: The best relationships are with the ones who know you best. And if sex get in between you(no pun intended),then that is just another obstacle that everyone deals with. If I had to opportunity to fall for a friend that I have known for years, I would do it, cause the relationship is easier and you don’t have to get to know the person’s crap like you would in other relationships.

Shawn: I honestly think that it could work because the friend knows you better than anyone. Now is it smart? I believe that if you establish that understanding from the beginning I don’t see why it wouldn’t work! Communication is key and I would lay it all out from the beginning because if it didn’t work between you two in a relationship, you guys will still have a great friendship with no regrets and awkwardness. YES ALANA I THINK IT WOULD WORK.

I then went on to ask the question: Is it worth the possibility of losing your friend if it doesn’t work out? There is no guarantee that you or your partner will be mature enough to continue to be friendship.

Shawn: In that case, if he isn’t mature enough to be able to go back to being just friends it isn’t worth losing a good friend. Friendships are more important.

Alicia: Maturity is key…if he is a grown ass man, nothing would change the way he feels about you, but if he’s a little boy then I would not let it go any further.

My Thoughts: When you are friends with someone that you never set out to date, and your emotions get involved, everything changes.

Pros: Being with someone that knows the good, bad, and the ugly, and having them accept you flaws and all.

Cons: It not working out because those flaws aren’t as cute when you see them everyday, you not being able to get that old friendship back if it doesn’t work out. And if sex is involved, well shit...a lot can go wrong there because of the emotions involved.

I've always had a strong opinion about dating friends...don't.But then I got older and realized that I want any man that I date to be my friend first. Make sense? I can’t date someone who isn’t my friends first. That bond is needed, and if it’s missing I have to wonder, how far can you go? Take two of my favorite fictional characters, Carrie and Mr. Big. They did the relationship thing, it didn’t work, they went back to each other, it didn’t work. Then after dating all of these different people, they tried the friendship route and found that they had become best friends. We all know that in the end, they got married, and although they are fictional, they are a prime example of what you could get if go into a relationship with your eyes closed, throwing caution to the wind. My thoughts may not be right for everyone, but like I always say: There is a method to my madness.

So again, I want any guy I date to be my friend first. But here is where the rules change: when you've been friends for years, and then all of a sudden one of you decide that you want more. That isn't fair to you or the person you have these feelings for. Because when you started being friends, neither one of you set out to establish a relationship beyond friendship so why make it difficult? Why take a chance of ruining something that is good just the way it is? I guess with this dilemma the question can be asked: is it really ok the way it is if your feelings begin to hold you back? Because chances are, they will.

The questions are endless, and every question linked to my first question leads to another question. So the answer to every question I asked, and possibly the questions that might follow? It’s a catch 22. We all say what we’d do, how we’d feel, and what the outcome would be, but what everyone (myself included) needs to understand is, unless we go through this, we will never really know what we’d do, how we’d feel, or what the outcome will be.

*Part 2 will be:(Tell Him The Truth)Should you tell your friend how you feel or keep it to yourself?*

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