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Commiting Because Of Kids

1:54 AM


I've had this argument many times with many different people.Some seems to think that a woman should not or dare I say could not have a child and raise it right without a man in the house.I personally think this is bullshit.I Alana Jenniffer don't EVER want to get married.I never say never because I can't change God's plans for me.But if I can help it I will not be getting married.That shit is just not for me.But that's another post for another time.

I always say that I don't want kids,but the reality is I have a maternal instinct,I've raised kids that weren't mine,and I know for a fact that I'd be a damn good mother.So I decided that if and when I'm ready that I would have a baby with or without a man.I'm not against adopting,artificial insemination,or having a baby with a friend that I trust (I wouldn't have sex with my friend unless we were dating but he could be my baby's daddy). One day I mentioned all of this to a male friend of mine and he couldn't believe that I would ever consider having a child without having a man in the house(I guess he won't be the father of my baby).Something told me when he said that, that this conversation could quickly turn into an argument.But I got so offended that I had to voice my opinion.I asked him what the problem was.His belief is that a child can't have a healthy life without the father being around.Bullshit again.By him saying that he was unintentionally saying that women are not capable of raising children on their own...I don't agree.I was without my father for almost five years.From the age of six months to four and a half,all I had was my mom,aunt,and my brother.You may be thinking but you had a man in your life and you weren't without a father your whole life.

Here is the thing,yes my brother was a father figure for me,but he couldn't really teach me anything because we are only eleven years apart,he watched me but he didn't father me.My mother is the driving force for who I am.She is the reason that me and my brother are who we are today.Sadly enough,my father was out of my brother's life by the age of 12 and by the time we were all a family(living with my father),he was a few months away from going off to college.Now who says a woman can't raise a man?My mother and father finally decided to get married when I turned five.

Now at the age of five I had my father in my life and the brother I watched grow up while I was growing up was leaving me with a man I really didn't know or feel comfortable around.But even with my parents being married my mother was still mommy and daddy to me and to my brother.She was the one we cried to,talked to,and did anything for.She gave us her last and did more for us than our father would or could ever do.This is not to say that me and my brother don't love our father,we do but whether he was in our life or not wouldn't have made a big difference,mom always held it down at home.Honestly,my brother hated that my mother married my dad and moved us to LA for a long time.But he got over it.

I say ALL of that to say this.My mom is the reason I do everything I do,she is the one I strive to please.All I got out of having my father in my life is a need to avoid marriage.I truly don't believe that my parents were ever supposed to get married.But because they did,it's caused me to never want what they have,and never want a man like my father in my life.Growing up with my dad,I've seen shit emotionally that I wish I'd never seen and I constantly struggle with keeping a relationship alive because the moment I see even a little of my father in that guy,I run for the fucking hills.I refuse to ever deal with the things my mother has dealt with.I refuse to feel unwanted in a relationship.

A woman and/or a man has the ability to raise a smart, and healthy child.Is it ideal to have a child grow up in a two parent household?Yes it is.But is it necessary?No,it's not.I'd rather see a happy child with two parents that live apart but respect each other,rather than a sad or worried child with two parents living with each other and really wish they were single,can't stand each other,or are just not compatible.

So all of those people who think it's a good idea to marry the man or woman who is the parent of your child just because you want to do the "right" thing,you're very wrong.By doing this you stand a chance of messing up your child's life.The secret to raising a smart and healthy child is good co-parenting skills.It's not about being together or apart physically, it's about being together emotionally,and showing your child that even though we aren't together, we still love you.If you marry someone and stay together for the child,yet your relationship isn't supposed to be,that could be dangerous for you but the sad part is that your child could get caught in the cross fire.Is it really worth it?

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