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Hiding Behind The Wall That You've Built

10:56 PM

Like most women I hide behind this brick wall that I built almost five years ago.But unlike most women I don't blame the man that I was in a relationship with at the time.Here is why,God gives us options,and we don't have to pick the first guy that steps up to the plate and if we do,just like a car we can take the relationship for a test drive.We don't have to walk right onto the lot and put the money in the salesman's hands and take the first set of keys that's given to us.But we do,and that's the problem.I chose not to test drive that relationship,I put everything I had into it and made a risky investment. And in the end I got hurt.I ended the relationship because it was becoming too much to handle,but had I done what I should have,I would have never gotten into that long ass mess of a relationship. Shoulda,coulda,woulda.I know.

I still love him,but I would never go back into something like that again.Looking at it through grown up eyes I now see everything that was wrong in the beginning,the middle,and the end.I have no regrets,but I did however take away learned lessons.Out of all the guys that I've dated, he was the first guy that I ever loved,but he however was not the first guy that I've ever been in love with(that honor goes to another man who will remain nameless).So with the end of that relationship came the beginning of this brick wall that was once only six inches tall,it is now ten feet tall.I did what most women do,I built it to protect myself,but I'm starting to wonder if maybe I should step around it and see what's waiting on the other side.

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